Free

Putting a sign on your garbage that says "Free" doesn't somehow transmogrify it from trash into something else. The latest find? Some pillows and a cat tree. I wouldn't accept used pillows from my friends, much less the sidewalk. And last I checked, cats are even pickier about such things than people.

Italian Soda

What is it about the word "Italian" that makes a concoction of carbonated water and sugar syrup into a suitable repository for a topping of whipped cream? If I put Cool wHip on my Coke, people would think I'm nuts.